Hello, Newlywed.....

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Most women grow up believing their wedding day will be the best day of their lives. Being a bride will make us feel confident-the most beautiful woman in the world. After this amazing day, we will go on a wonderful honeymoon. People will wish us well as we start our new lives with our new husbands. I know I grew up believing newlyweds are supposed to be so happy and lovey-dovey. There would be minimal fighting, I would have a wonderful outlook on married life, and fully embrace this massive life change.

As a bride, what I grew up believing was absolutely true. Overwhelming feelings of love and optimism ran through me on my wedding day. Reflecting on how I felt still brings tears to my eyes. But the reality of being a newlywed was much different than I anticipated. Turns out, well for me at least, being married is a little scary. After the wedding and honeymoon, there really is an adjustment period. During my "adjustment period", I realized what was going to happen-I was going to have to really "grow up".

Now understand that why I was, and sometimes still am, a scared newlywed had/has nothing to do with the love I have for my husband. He is my soul mate, truly my other half. He is my best friend. Being scared about marriage is the result of moving into a new phase of adulthood. As a newlywed, I have new responsibilities which extend beyond myself...........A new branch of the family tree has been started......I have someone new who depends on me...Finances will become so much more important and complex..I need to act like an adult and get better job...and so on...and so on....oh how I could go on and on.

So, as it turns out, it is possible for the groom to feel the exact same way as the bride. And as anyone in a relationship can attest to, when both parties are stressed, fighting is often a result. Now, my husband and I were together for 6.5 years before we got married, living together for 6 of those years. Most people assume that marriage wouldn't change the dynamic of our relationship. But there was a great deal of "adjusting". Adjusting means a lot of compromising on both sides and new decisions to make. There were aspects of our relationship that completely changed and so many new issues to figure out at every turn. And shocker, sometimes we didn't want to handle them the same way. The typical argument usually followed. We both did our usual mad/stressed act-I got snippy and he got extremely introverted...ugh. All I kept thinking was, "This is not how how being a newlywed is supposed to be!".

But as time went on, my thinking began to shift. The arguments became fewer. I started to settle in to married life. I began to have faith in the idea of "forever" and trusting in my partner. We don't have to be typical and we are allowed to take the long way around. We will figure it out, no matter how long it takes. As long as we are figuring it out together, I will be fine. We will be fine.

My husband and I have a lot of growing up to do, in more ways than one. We need to take some leaps of faith. And while this is happening, I need to realize that there will be rough patches, I will get scared. But during tough times, I need to reflect upon the way I felt on my wedding day. Not necessarily imagine the day itself, but how I felt on that day-optimistic, proud, and in love. This is what a newlywed should feel like. We don't have to have it all figured out, but we should enjoy being in love along the way. We should be proud of what we have accomplished! And we should always, always, always stay optimistic. A great love isn't built over night, it is built over a lifetime.